So you’re looking for friends with benefits, and every article you’ve clicked on has probably told you the same recycled garbage about hitting up your gym or downloading yet another app where you’ll match with someone who ghosts after three messages. Cool, thanks for nothing.
Figuring out how to find a friend with benefits nowadays, we foundrecent studies from Wayne State and Michigan State University that indicate around 60% of young adults have been in a FWB arrangement at some point, and only about 15% of these situations ever develop into something serious. That’s lower than most people think, which means you won’t end up like Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake in that movie. If it suits you, then read on.
What is a friend with benefits and how common is it?
Before we get into where to find FWB connections that don’t suck, you need to understand what is a friend with benefits. It’s someone you meet for sex near you but also have friendship without the relationship expectations, meeting each other’s friends, relatives, or posting couple selfies.
The problem most people run into is they skip the “friend” part and jump straight to the “benefits,” which is why most FWBs either fizzle out completely within a year (about 31% according to longitudinal research published in Personal Relationships) or go back to being regular friends minus the benefits.
PsychPost research shows that around 65% of people in FWB setups worry most about catching feelings, not pregnancy or STDs (which only concerned about 10% of participants). That’s because we’re wired to get attached to people we’re intimate with, especially women.
A 2022 survey by Ashley Madison found 52% of people in FWB arrangements said their favorite thing to do together was going on short, fun dates, not just hooking up. The best way to find FWB situations that last involves casual sex along with enjoyable shared experiences that resemble dating without the pressures of a committed relationship.
📍 Community spaces where to find friends with benefits
Now here’s how to find fwb connections offline. Attendance at dating and singles events targeted at millennials and Gen Z jumped 49% this year, because people are exhausted from swiping and want to meet humans in three dimensions.
⏺ Hobby groups and classes where repetition works in your favor
Rock climbing gyms, pottery studios, cooking workshops, language exchange meetups, improv comedy classes, martial arts studios, or partner dance classes. These spots give you a legitimate reason to see the same people week after week without anyone thinking you’re stalking them. The repetition matters because trust and comfort build over time, which is exactly what you need for a FWB. Plus you’re learning something new, so even if you strike out romantically, you’ve got a new skill and maybe some regular friends.
⏺ Social sports leagues and run clubs that aren’t about winning
Kickball leagues, volleyball meetups, pickleball groups (yes it’s having a moment), and those run clubs that end at breweries. The athletic element isn’t the point here, it’s the post-game socializing that matters. Most of these leagues are explicitly designed for people who want to be active and meet people, not train for the Olympics, so the vibe is relaxed and social. You show up, jog for 30-45 minutes, then everyone grabs drinks or coffee after.
⏺ Niche interest communities that self-select for compatible people
Board game cafes and tabletop gaming groups, book clubs, trivia nights at local pubs, craft beer or wine tasting events. These attract people who are intellectually curious and enjoy socializing in lower-key environments, which tends to mean they’re better at communication and less likely to play bad games. Volunteer groups are good for this too, especially ones focused on causes you care about like animal shelters, environmental cleanups, or community gardens. You’re meeting people who share your values, which matters when you’re trying to build friendships.
Social circle strategy you should try
Your extended social circle is probably the friends with benefits finder you’ve been ignoring. Not your best friend’s roommate (that’s messy), but friends of friends you see occasionally at group hangs. The advantage here is mutual connections, which means you’re less likely to be dealing with someone who’s married. Start showing up to more group events and pay attention to who you vibe with. That person who always makes you laugh at game night or who has similar music taste might be down for something casual if you’re both on the same wavelength.
👉 How to have the conversation without being weird
Figuring out how to get fwb arrangements going requires a conversation that most people would rather avoid, but avoiding it is exactly how you end up in a situationship that leaves everyone confused and someone inevitably hurt.
When you’re interested in someone and think they might be open to something casual, bring it up directly, but not like you’re negotiating a business deal. Something like “I’m not looking for anything serious right now but I think you’re cool and fun to hang out with, would you be interested in keeping things casual?” will work better than dancing around it for weeks.
Set boundaries early. How often you’ll see each other, whether you’re exclusive for safety reasons (you should be), what happens if one of you starts catching feelings. Yeah it’s awkward but you know what’s more awkward? That conversation three months in when someone’s in their feelings, and the other person thought this was just fun.
How to get a fwb: reality check
FWB requires more emotional intelligence than most relationships. You need to be constantly checking in with yourself and the other person to see if this is still working for both of you. Studies show that about one-third of FWB arrangements don’t survive the first year, and that’s totally normal. Sometimes the chemistry fades, sometimes someone meets a person they want to date seriously. The goal isn’t to make it last forever, it’s to enjoy it while it works and exit gracefully when it doesn’t. Thus, join hobby groups, talk to people at social events like a normal human, be upfront about what you want, and maintain boundaries without being cold.